Crowds in My School

I have nothing against being in crowds. I have my own little group, too (sadly it only consist of Spade and I =.=") But lately Spade doesn't hang out with me, yet that's pretty fine. Judging from the amount of time she spent with her other guyfriends, I'm just a simple flea an her back. :/

So, I'm on Route 1 all over again.

I wonder how long can I last without going mad?

No, scratch that, I've already gone mad...

Atleast, not as mad as the Mad Hatter.

To tell you the truth, I want another, more different friend. There is Diamond. But then again, I never talked to her for these past few decades. And then Clovers all study-study-study. I don't have anything against it, but damnit I want someone around me sometimes.

I'm very bitter. Well, I can be very bitter. It's probably the reason why I broke up with my ex. :/ I just can't help but test it out. It's like a normal thing for me to do. One second, a guy asks me out, and then I'm all like...

"Let's play a game."

Of course, no one knows about my bitter and angst side. She's very dark, too. And along the way, she holds all the anger, the abuse, the bitterment I received from others, and learn from them.

So, now I'm all bitter, and angsty and all that. Not angry though. I don't think I've snapped.

Atleast, not yet.

Oh right, we're talking about crowds. Uh, well, like I stated, I don't really mind. But not she. She's not happy with the amount of people crowding and laughing and making snarky remarks. She wants to fight them, to hurt, and to hear people cry and yell.

I told her to stop it. But she wouldn't listen and closed herself up in the depths of my mind.

...

I sound like I have a multiple personality disorder.

Ah, the crowds have disperse. Good. To be honest, they were getting quite annoying. I think this is going to be a normal thing for me, to be bitter to the people I like. I told myself multiple times.

Be assertive.

Be respectful.

Be responsible.

Be knowledgable.

Be someone everyone likes

But, even so, I kept up this little 'angel girl' act. And surprisingly, people are rather bitter about this type of personality. When I try to help, they would walk away. When I say thanks, they look away. When I lend out a hand, they simple ignore my whole being.

And frankly, it's getting quite annoying.

So, what can I do? I can do multiple things to capture the human's interests. Suicide and death seems to be one of them. Humans react to them, shaking their heads and pitying on the dead.

'She was beautiful.'

'She was nice.'

'She...'

They don't know anything, and yet they comment about how pretty she is, how wonderful her life could've been, or talk about her personality even without the knowledge of knowing that decease person.

How annoying.

I'm tired of hearing that, that people would discuss the death of a person so carelessly. In fact, if I do die, I'd rather die a quiet death, in which no one will talk of my life, my personality, or any of that kind of stuff.

What's another thing that attracts humans? Ah, yes. Destructions. I'm not really gonna discuss the topic.  Not my cup of tea.

What about people's pasts? I have a pretty dark past, with the...

Ah, my tea gone bitter.

I'm getting off topic here. We were discussing crowds of people, right? I apologize if this post is making the food go cold. I just walk 1.4 miles just to get to school on time, 'cause the car is broken. Another thing that reminds me of my past.

Don't tell me that I 'have to let go' of my past. As far as I'm concern, it's nobody's business.

I'll keep it in the box of broken things, and pile them higher.

I wonder if anyone will notice that tall tower.

I should make it invisible.

Just so no one will notice.

It's better this way.

...