Dark Thoughts That Loom

I sometimes wonder who I am in my story. Everyone has a story, but what character?

Am I the princess? Or perhaps the queen? Maybe I'm a knight or a perhaps a maid? What will my plot be, or do I even have a plot?

My head hurts... I really need some sleep...

*yawns*

I'm going to spend my days as carefree as it is. That's who I am really ;w; A carefree little girl, who can be so emotional sometimes and cries while watching soap operas whut

So, with my life going back in order (when was it out of order?) I'm going to focus on saving lots of money to buy myself the same guitar as Yui from K-ON! And get this! It's a very beautiful Heritage CherrySunburst Gibson Les Paul Standard guitar! Pretty cool, huh? >w<

I also want to save up to buy myself this: http://www.cosplayfu.com/product/Yui+Cosplay+(ED)+from+K+ON#.US-M6Y4ZxVg

Which only costs around $100.

Sooooo, let's add up eh!

Costume  - $100
Yui's Guitar - $160 (pretty bloody cheap and I freakin' love it)
Strap + Bag - $21 + $31 (the strap costed more than the bag XD)
-------------------------------------------------
So, it's in the price rang of $300 ~ $320.

>3 ONWARDS TO SAVE MONEEEYYYYY

Impossible Things

There are things I want to create. That's right. Love isn't always about boys, it's about the action. Has anyone ever told you what love is? I bet few has even read the definition.

love  

/ləv/

Noun An intense feeling of deep affection

Verb

Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone)

Now you know, that love is the deep affection you feel towards a person or thing or idea. The more common one you know, is the verb. I choose the noun. 

I think there's more to life than just love. I think there's romance, adventure; life is something in you. Not in what's around you. Sure, the things effect you does things to your mind and morality, but think about it. 

You never made it this far without those little things. You wouldn't think, you wouldn't walk. Why, you wouldn't even be reading this little blog rant! And to think of all the things you thought was simple was impossible!

Did you know, back in the old days, choirs were for males only. And since the people knew that when boys hit puberty, their voice can no longer reach the high notes, they chop off their... um... willy. e///e

I have poor vocabulary, Caused by the father of mine who I'm ashamed to even say his name. He needs help, I offered. He rejected. His choice.

A lot of people say that, 'when life hands you lemons,' etc. etc. Since I mentioned that 'life' is 'us'. Think about it.

Why are you handing yourself lemons. Everyone's life is different, so there must be a reason why you got those lemons. Make it into juice? Throw it? Crush it? Your 'life' is simply asking you what are you going to do to these lemons. It's not asking you to make Jesus turn it into water or something. It's all about you, and what you make of the things you got.

Ever since...

Ever since I came to this school, my life has been going through a straight line. Just no, ups or downs. No happiness, no sadness. It's all straight. And boring.

Before, my life was this little ball of wibbley-wobbley flimsy-whimsy stuff. And I had fun with that ball of random stuff putted together. I'm not sure how I should described it, but the days before is much better than the days I have now. I wonder why.

I need to study for my physiology test (I'm sure I'll fail like normal).

Jack of all Trades, Master of none?

I'm a jack of all trades. Quite literally. I play the guitar, the piano, and the recorder (which strangely has gone missing). I draw, sing, write, and dance. I'm a trusted friend, a big sister idol, a daughter, and a cousin. I speak French, Vietnamese, and English (plan on learning Japanese and Korean).

Yet, I honestly don't know what to do with my life.

Anything that comes my way that interests me, I learn the basics of it. I never go in too deep with the information, and it makes me kinda envious of the kind of people who are only a master to one. I thought that I would grow up to become a detective, but.

I have so many things I want to be.

A detective. A doctor. A lawyer. A mother. A café owner. A wife. A forensic scientist. A songwriter. A singer. An artist. A mangaka. A choreographer. A therapist. A translator. A pianist. A teacher.

Just what am I?

...I think I'm going through an 'identification crisis'.

...

But I still wanna be a detective...

I've Been Thinking

There are a lot of things I went through in life. And just like everyone else, I know how it feels. I know this is kinda stupid to say, but I'm sensitive to emotions. (...ah, well. Not always ;v;)

If you ask about have I ever considered suicide. I'd answer yes.
If you ask about have I ever tried to kill myself. I'd answer yes.
If you ask about have I ever felt abandoned, broken, alone. I'd answer yes.

I could bet that most people would doubt that, that I had a good life, a good home, a well-thought future. To tell you the truth, I did most of the work. I already knew this was going to happen. I already knew that one day, I'm going to deal with alot of pain caused by other people. Whut? Other people? What am I talking about?

Ever heard of 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'?

Aha! But that's just a passing thought. All pain heals over time, and wounds would fade to become scars and simple scratches. Alot of people think that their scars are ugly things, and represents how much they've been hurt, mentally and physically.

But I like my scars. (Which is weird to say lol)

I can't explain it well. I'll put myself in your shoes for abit. Alright. So, here I am, in your shoes. You're smiling, so stop it. This isn't funny!

Alright, so you're not exactly the positive type like me. You're more... normal.

You like doing silly things, hanging out, and the sort that other people would think you're weird. You don't wear make-up much(if you are girl), but would apply some mascara every now and then. But from this 'daytime' personality you, you're much more darker. You're afraid of falling again. You don't like to let others come too close to you, because you don't know if they'll hurt you. Yet, you unconsciously do it, because you secretly want them to heal your wounds.

Ahhh, what am I doing here? It's too boring!

Ever thought that others had also share the same pain as you? What is this? Oh, what do we have here...? A heart! Omg, it's your heart. Oh, god look at it. It's moving. *poke* ASDAFDSDJLFHADFH IT MOOOOVVEEEDDD

...

I'm just gonna leave you're body now. ;v;

Oh well, you seem pretty normal. It's weird cause I have the same thing. Except my 'daytime' personality is literally my personality as whole. It weird isn't it?

We share the same pain, even experienced it, yet why do I have seem to have a better way of handling my life? Don't instantly think it's because I was born positive.

I was already aware that others had a really painful life. I know it's stupid for me to consider other people, but since I know what they feel, would it hurt for me to try to be there for them?

The problem is, I'm not exactly what you're looking for.

I'm not your prince charming. (I wish I was a guy though. Wouldn't hurt to be gay either :D)

I'm a girl, who knows what you're going through. I'm like... your fairy god mother. Or one of the seven little dwarfs. Or Dory from Finding Nemo. (whut)

Ah, well. I'm just saying that if you want help, look at me. For the love of god, I'm the only one waiting here for someone. (I'll even dress up as Death at your funeral whut am I saying...?)

But I'm not a mind reader (...=.=) so I don't really know what's going to happen unless you tell me.

I could just listen to you, I could tell you my point-of-view, and I could even punch that guy in the face (although, I'm not a big fan of fights ;w;).

All you gotta do, is come up to me. Steal me. Sit me down. And start talking (I'm serious lol).

But if you don't, that's fine...

...just proves that everybody has their heads stuck in fairy-tale land. :I